(week 28). losing again...

Not going to go into a long post about this, but I lost 1.6 pounds this week. Very happy that I’m getting back on track.

(week 27). eating my feelings (a setback).

I’ve temporarily lost my positivity. At least, I hope it’s a temporary loss. It’s weird how it seemingly came out of nowhere. (Or did it?)

A few weeks ago, my hair started coming out. Not in small amounts, either.

Oy. Of course it didn’t stop there. The ordinary (and not so ordinary) stresses started piling up, and before I knew it, I felt like I couldn’t handle anything.

When I started to stress out, I found myself reaching for a snack. Of course I didn’t count the points… it was a Red Vine here, or a few Doritos there… before I knew it, a small stash had formed in my bedside table.

I finally went to the doctor last week, and we ran a battery of tests. Anemia, thyroid, you name it, we looked into it.

Those tests came back today, and everything was “normal”. Of course, I was re-diagnosed with post-partem depression and anxiety. I’ve had bouts with both in the past, and neither has ever been as intense or as seemingly hopeless as it is now. It’s as if there are two parts to me; one that is overseeing things, trying to tell me how to make it through, while the other is actually living it, unable to hear what’s being said. It’s just such a disconnected feeling.

The doctor said that because I’m a naturally happy person, I feel the need to be “on” for everyone else, all the time, and I don’t let myself have bad days. I’ve now reached the point where I can’t turn myself back “on”.

I’m listless and tired, which is no good when you’re trying to motivate yourself to work out. (Wait, what’s motivation?!)

I don’t want to weigh in tomorrow, I’ll be honest. I don’t want to know what the scale says. I don’t want to see how the snuck snacks affect my scale numbers. But I need to. It may bring me down, but hopefully it helps wake me up. There are so many reasons that I started losing weight, and I can’t lose sight of it. I can’t let myself continue down the path of depression.

Not to make light of this, but I’m reminded of something from How I Met Your Mother: “I’m never sick. When I feel myself getting sick, I just become awesome instead.” That’s what I need to do. I need to find my “awesome”.

Oh, and about the hair thing: because the tests came back normal, it’s likely that it’s stress-related. According to Dr. D, if you count back about 3 months, you’ll find your stressor. For me, it was my son going into the hospital. Makes total sense…

Have you dealt with anxiety or depression? How did you get through it?

(week 26). Best. Lunch. EVER.

I am very lucky to work at a place that has not one, but two cafeterias. True, it could work against me (a pizza bar? Hamburgers and fries and gravy-covered goodness?! NOM.) but I have learned to find the better Points Plus values to maximize my food intake.

While I occasionally stop by the salad bar, THIS is what I usually feast on, for 5 POINTS PLUS:


Grilled chicken breast (5), broccoli (0) and mushrooms (0). Add in some A1 sauce (0) and a diet soda (0), and I’m set! Fortunately, this only takes up 1/6th of my daily Points Plus allotment, leaving many PPs left to splurge on dinner and snacks. (Oh, the broccoli gets switched out for a sweet potato occasionally, but the few additional PPs are worth it.)

(week 25). the voyage was very bon…

enjoying our first trip away at sea.

Wow, y’all, the cruise was amazing! We had a very lovely five days aboard the Carnival Ecstasy relaxing, resting, and of course... EATING! To truly celebrate my weight loss, I didn’t count a single point all week. I kept good eating choices in the back of my mind, but this was MY TIME to indulge, if I chose.

biggest indulgence: chocolate melting cake.

To offset that, I was going to use the on-board gym. Honestly—other than the initial tour—I never made it. (I got as far as the spa and then stopped, LOL!) BUT, we used the stairs A LOT (thanks mostly to annoying kids who pushed EVERY BUTTON) and walked the length of the ship often. During our excursion, we traipsed the grounds of Mayan ruins in 100 degrees, or plowed through sandy beaches (a workout in itself!). I more than got my 30 minutes of exercise each day, I think.

That’s probably a good thing, though, because the food could have really set me back. As our cruise director pointed out, you could have 14 meals a day, and it’d all be FREE! The buffet was always open, including a 24-hour pizzeria, the dining room had extended hours, and room service was always included! We tried it all.

lobster and shrimp. ooh la la.

Oh, and the drinks?! Wow. Very fruity, very fun, and very full of alcohol. I can see why Carnival calls themselves the party ships.

resting on the beach. in a bathing suit. GOAL!

Seriously, Alex and I had a fantastic vacation, and were so grateful for the break from it all. (Though we missed our little Noah terribly!)

the bares enjoying the last night of their vacation.

As soon as we hit Galveston, it was back to business as usual. I prepared myself for a gain this week, and was pleasantly surprised when I stepped on the WW scale: I lost 3.2 pounds! Hello, 190!

The numbers are encouraging for sure, but the fact that people around me are noticing my shrinking self is awesome. I’ve really appreciated everyone’s kind words… THANK YOU!

(week 23). the truth about numbers.

A few days ago, I promised to post my actual weight. (You can read the backstory here)

I'm a woman of my word. I'm proud to announce...

I'm 193!

Let's look beyond the number, though.

At my highest weight (pregnancy), I was 234. I lost 14 pounds before joining WW. I've since gone on a 27-pound journey, totaling over 40 in the past year.

Other fun facts about my weight loss: As a 5'6" female, I had a 35.5 BMI. Today, I'm a 31. Every day I lose weight, I am regaining a part of my life. I'm getting HEALTHY. I find myself with more stamina (perfect for keeping up with a toddler!), and of course, self-confidence. My clothes don't fit (which you'd THINK would be awesome, but it's fairly frustrating) and my feet seem to have shrunk about a half-size. Hah.

It's because of my success that I'm able to be so open with you all. Hell, even if I didn't lose another pound, I could look back on what I've accomplished so far, and have one heck of a smile on my face. But it's definitely not been without it's ups and downs.

For example, getting to weigh in this morning was a bit of a pain. I consider WW the ONE thing I treat myself to during my work week. I get up from my desk, go downstairs and for one hour, I surround myself with people venturing on a very similar journey. It's strangely cathartic to discuss your problems and progress. I love it.

Even still, other things get in the way. I flew in and flew out without even processing what the scale said. I just checked my sheet; I lost almost a pound. :happy:

I'm thrilled to be at 193, but am striving for lower numbers on the scale. I was 150 when I went to college in Texas, and 135 in Kansas. That may be a little low for me now, so 145-150 is what I'm shooting for, broken into smaller increments. I can do that!

Now, who's brave enough to share THEIR numbers?

(week 22.5). pizza pardners

The thing I love the most about blogging is the interaction with my readers. While comments don't always get left on blogspot, I have many of you commenting on my facebook page, emailing me and the like.

Yes, I started this blog for myself, to keep me on track and motivated. I can look back months (and even years) to see how far I've come. But more than that, others are getting something from my journey.

I received a particularly touching note today from an old friend. Alison and I worked together at Pizza Hut FOREVER ago. (almost 10 years ago, by now...) She was—and still is—an amazing person, and I am so proud to call her a friend. These days, she's a Notre Dame graduate, studying law and is engaged to an awesome man. ...I could go on, but let's get to her note:

Alison: Hey Jen! I just wanted to say I've read your blog, and it inspired me to get serious about my own health and weight loss in anticipation of my wedding and just to be more healthy in general. Anyway, I joined WW online eight weeks ago at the highest weight I've ever been, and I've lost almost 17 pounds in that time!! I'm really, really excited, and I feel so much better, and I wanted to share it with you because I feel like I have you partially to thank :)

That means so much to me! I am so glad that my journey is helping others start on theirs. That doesn't take away from all the hard work that she put in. ALISON lost 17 pounds. SUCCESS!

Does anyone else have any successes to share? I don't care if it's because of this blog or not, we just need to CELEBRATE YOUR SUCCESSES!

Share them with me. jen826@gmail.com

(week 21). CHARMING.

note: I know this is a little late (read: 12 days), but it's better late than never. I would normally skip straight to the present, but this was such a huge milestone, I couldn't NOT add it to the blog.

I. LOST. 25+. POUNDS.

I remember when I first joined WW, a friend told me to expect stickers and charms as incentives for weight loss. I giggled, but she warned that I would come to COVET these trinkets. And when I received my first five pound sticker, I was over the moon. My weight loss was tangible; my success wrapped up in a 1/2" sticker. So now, to get my 25-lb. charm... well, you could imagine my elation!

My leader announced my success to the group, and I couldn't have felt happier. Normally, I shy away from being recognized, but when it comes to WW, I just feel... proud. I did this. 25 pounds. WOW.

It immediately went on my key chain, and serves as a daily reminder that I can make my big goals happen out of my smaller milestones.


My leader, through celebrating my milestone, brought up my blog (hi Linda!). She asked if I had posted my actual weight here. "Not exactly," I answered. I had to wonder why, though. It's not that I hadn't shared my beginning weight SOMEWHERE in this blog, and anyone capable of basic math could figure out where I'm at now. There is just a stigma behind the higher numbers, one that I still seem to avoid.

But no more. This week will be my 23rd week on WW. And lose or gain, I will not only post my pound status, but I will put my actual weight out there. In black and white. Those of you who have ever struggled with weight understand why this is such a big deal. Even still, my new number is SUCH a celebration. Let's celebrate together on Thursday! See you then!

(week 20). workin' my way down.

I wanted to be in a 12/14 by the end of April, and I MADE IT! Here I am in a size 14 pair of jeans... my NEW "skinny me" jeans!

It's crazy to believe that I was an 18/20 just a few months ago. It's not a place I ever wanted to be, and one I don't plan on revisiting any time soon.

Now, I've got my eye on a pair of size 10s for June...

(week 20). i'm not gonna lie...

I gained .06 over the past two weeks. No excuses here, I went on vacation to see my dad, only to come back and be icky sick for a week. Workouts have temporarily been halted, as I continue to cough a lung up (at least it feels that way!). While trying to stick to eating well, there were a few days that I allowed myself a “free pass”. Man, STL has some great food!

Mommy and Noah enjoying our vacation!

But I didn’t totally stray from it all (if I had, I can only IMAGINE the weight I’d have gained). For the most part, I chose sensible meal choices (I won’t mention the cream soda float with a mountain of ice cream, or the awesome ribs I had—TWICE!), opted for water or diet soda and made sure to keep active.

We took Noah to the zoo (he loved) and the Children’s museum (he L-O-V-E-D!), and chased him around the airport, of course.

Noah on his first carousel ride.

Now, being sick for a week now, I’ve really had to just bite the bullet and allow myself to get better. That means a lot of sitting/resting when I get home. No workouts, no over-doing it... Nothing but rest. I used to make fun of people who would complain when they couldn’t work out, but MAN, I’ve been feeling weird and achy without exercise!

I had also been getting super-comfortable with the WW program. So much so, that my food tracking became sporadic. With starting a new WW series today, I’m going back to basics—if it goes in my mouth, it gets jotted down! Here’s what the day has looked like so far:

I’ve been at this almost 5 months, and have lost ALMOST 25 pounds. I’m so proud of how far I’ve come, but am even more excited of where I can take this.

As my WW leader reminds us, we shouldn’t always look at what this week’s scale says, but at what you’ve accomplished so far. She’s so right. Big picture, people!

(NOTE: .06 is NOT bad!)

(week 17). I’m WINNING, DUH!

Yes, I took a page from Charlie Sheen, but if he’s taught me anything this week, it’s that you should be proud of your awesomeness.

And I’m super-proud of MY awesomeness; I’m down over 23 pounds! I’ve got another pound and change to go before I hit my “St. Louis” goal, and I think I can totally do it by next week!

Oh, and I almost forgot! With me not having blogged in a few weeks, I haven’t been able to mention I hit a MAJOR milestone a week or two ago: I hit my 10% goal! That is HUGE for me! It not only shows I’ve been able to stick with something, but that THIS IS WORKING!

I ran into an old co-worker earlier this week. She hadn’t seen me since I had just had the baby, and she was completely taken aback by how I looked. LOL, she said she didn’t even recognize me! I can’t always tell that I’ve lost weight... Sure, my face looks thinner, and my arms and legs aren’t as puffy, but I still look like the me I have in my head. Make sense? Maybe my brain never adjusted to “bigger Jen”. Sure, we’ll go with that.

This whole experience has been so positive; I just need to keep moving forward with it.

Now, what are YOU doing to WIN?!

This key chain is one of my most prized material possessions at the moment.
It represents the 10% I worked so hard to lose, and holds the promise of more to come. WORD.