(week 27). eating my feelings (a setback).

I’ve temporarily lost my positivity. At least, I hope it’s a temporary loss. It’s weird how it seemingly came out of nowhere. (Or did it?)

A few weeks ago, my hair started coming out. Not in small amounts, either.

Oy. Of course it didn’t stop there. The ordinary (and not so ordinary) stresses started piling up, and before I knew it, I felt like I couldn’t handle anything.

When I started to stress out, I found myself reaching for a snack. Of course I didn’t count the points… it was a Red Vine here, or a few Doritos there… before I knew it, a small stash had formed in my bedside table.

I finally went to the doctor last week, and we ran a battery of tests. Anemia, thyroid, you name it, we looked into it.

Those tests came back today, and everything was “normal”. Of course, I was re-diagnosed with post-partem depression and anxiety. I’ve had bouts with both in the past, and neither has ever been as intense or as seemingly hopeless as it is now. It’s as if there are two parts to me; one that is overseeing things, trying to tell me how to make it through, while the other is actually living it, unable to hear what’s being said. It’s just such a disconnected feeling.

The doctor said that because I’m a naturally happy person, I feel the need to be “on” for everyone else, all the time, and I don’t let myself have bad days. I’ve now reached the point where I can’t turn myself back “on”.

I’m listless and tired, which is no good when you’re trying to motivate yourself to work out. (Wait, what’s motivation?!)

I don’t want to weigh in tomorrow, I’ll be honest. I don’t want to know what the scale says. I don’t want to see how the snuck snacks affect my scale numbers. But I need to. It may bring me down, but hopefully it helps wake me up. There are so many reasons that I started losing weight, and I can’t lose sight of it. I can’t let myself continue down the path of depression.

Not to make light of this, but I’m reminded of something from How I Met Your Mother: “I’m never sick. When I feel myself getting sick, I just become awesome instead.” That’s what I need to do. I need to find my “awesome”.

Oh, and about the hair thing: because the tests came back normal, it’s likely that it’s stress-related. According to Dr. D, if you count back about 3 months, you’ll find your stressor. For me, it was my son going into the hospital. Makes total sense…

Have you dealt with anxiety or depression? How did you get through it?

(week 26). Best. Lunch. EVER.

I am very lucky to work at a place that has not one, but two cafeterias. True, it could work against me (a pizza bar? Hamburgers and fries and gravy-covered goodness?! NOM.) but I have learned to find the better Points Plus values to maximize my food intake.

While I occasionally stop by the salad bar, THIS is what I usually feast on, for 5 POINTS PLUS:


Grilled chicken breast (5), broccoli (0) and mushrooms (0). Add in some A1 sauce (0) and a diet soda (0), and I’m set! Fortunately, this only takes up 1/6th of my daily Points Plus allotment, leaving many PPs left to splurge on dinner and snacks. (Oh, the broccoli gets switched out for a sweet potato occasionally, but the few additional PPs are worth it.)

(week 25). the voyage was very bon…

enjoying our first trip away at sea.

Wow, y’all, the cruise was amazing! We had a very lovely five days aboard the Carnival Ecstasy relaxing, resting, and of course... EATING! To truly celebrate my weight loss, I didn’t count a single point all week. I kept good eating choices in the back of my mind, but this was MY TIME to indulge, if I chose.

biggest indulgence: chocolate melting cake.

To offset that, I was going to use the on-board gym. Honestly—other than the initial tour—I never made it. (I got as far as the spa and then stopped, LOL!) BUT, we used the stairs A LOT (thanks mostly to annoying kids who pushed EVERY BUTTON) and walked the length of the ship often. During our excursion, we traipsed the grounds of Mayan ruins in 100 degrees, or plowed through sandy beaches (a workout in itself!). I more than got my 30 minutes of exercise each day, I think.

That’s probably a good thing, though, because the food could have really set me back. As our cruise director pointed out, you could have 14 meals a day, and it’d all be FREE! The buffet was always open, including a 24-hour pizzeria, the dining room had extended hours, and room service was always included! We tried it all.

lobster and shrimp. ooh la la.

Oh, and the drinks?! Wow. Very fruity, very fun, and very full of alcohol. I can see why Carnival calls themselves the party ships.

resting on the beach. in a bathing suit. GOAL!

Seriously, Alex and I had a fantastic vacation, and were so grateful for the break from it all. (Though we missed our little Noah terribly!)

the bares enjoying the last night of their vacation.

As soon as we hit Galveston, it was back to business as usual. I prepared myself for a gain this week, and was pleasantly surprised when I stepped on the WW scale: I lost 3.2 pounds! Hello, 190!

The numbers are encouraging for sure, but the fact that people around me are noticing my shrinking self is awesome. I’ve really appreciated everyone’s kind words… THANK YOU!